Three Months as a Stay at Home Mom
We have more time to spend as a family.
It’s been three months since I last signed off from a Google Hangout (nonprofits can’t afford Zoom) for work and it feels mostly amazing. When Evie started scooting across the living room on Wednesday I was home (and present) to cheer her on. When swim lessons called to let us know there was an opening in 15 minutes, I slid Wavey into her swimsuit and we ran out the door without worrying about any of the work I was leaving behind. The precious two hours of quiet time after the kids go to sleep is mine. I don’t have to squeeze in work while my husband sits on the couch impatiently waiting for me to finish so we can talk for three minutes before we fall exhausted into bed. I’ve even started quilting, something I did as a kid but hadn’t even thought about in close to 25 years. And I love it. I’ve given all the quilts I’ve made so far to friends who’ve had babies in the last few months and the warm fuzzies of thinking of them wrapping their baby in it is everything.
The downsides of being a stay at home are more complicated. I feel selfish even admitting I don’t love every moment of it. It is such a privilege that I am able to stay at home with my babies and I am so grateful. But being more than a SAHM is important to me (whatever that means). No one thing defines me but having a job I loved and was passionate about was a big part. There is a hole still. Evryst is helping fill it.
Somehow the extra time I thought I’d have once I quit my job is gone. Many of the responsibilities my husband and I used to share have defaulted to solely mine. It makes sense—I’m home so I can make doctor appointments, call the vet because the dog has an ear infection again, clean the house, buy new cups because the baby has graduated to drinking water, call the health insurance company because the auto payment didn’t go through again. I know you understand. But all of it exhausting.
Honing into all the self help books I’ve read—It’s a phase. This too will pass. Live in the moment. Be honest, but not too honest. Be grateful (I am). I’m trying.
