How to tell your boss you’re quitting
Whether you’re quitting before, during, or after parental leave, here are the five steps to follow.
I will never forget the day I made the tough decision to quit my dream job. My newborn was sleeping next to me in the living room while my toddler ran through the house like a tornado, asking for snacks and requesting that I take her to the bathroom every ten minutes. I had a big project to finish that day, so I decided to drop my toddler off at daycare so that I could zone in on my work.
That's when it hit me: I had just paid $100 in daycare fees to buy myself a little time to focus on my work. My job barely brought in $100 a day, so I wasn't even breaking even financially. Between the stress of work and daycare expenses, I found myself at a net loss financially and emotionally. It simply didn't add up. That was the tipping point. Enough was enough.
As I reflect on my decision to quit just a few weeks after I had returned from parental leave, it seems glaringly obvious now. My job was no longer my dream job now that my priorities had changed from having two kids and the finances just didn’t line up. However, reaching that decision felt like anything but easy or obvious at the time. I still loved my job, was passionate about the work I was doing, and enjoyed spending (virtual) time with my colleagues – they were so much more to me than coworkers. There were so many other factors beyond the daycare expenses that factored into my decision to resign, and I'm sure it’s not any less complicated for you. Nevertheless, if you find yourself thinking about quitting before, during, or after parental leave, here are five steps to navigate the process gracefully, make sure you quit at the right time, and don't burn any bridges.
1. Do your research.
Before you even consider quitting, especially around parental leave, look into your benefits policies and read the fine print. Depending on your situation, when you quit might end up being the most important detail of how you quit. If you live in a state that offers paid parental leave you likely are required to be employed when you file your claim. Don’t disqualify yourself by quitting too early. In California, you may still be eligible for state-sponsored leave if you quit (or get laid off) before you go on parental leave, but there is fine print, like you must be actively looking for work.
It’s important to look beyond state-sponsored leave programs when doing your research. If you quit while you’re on leave your employer may bill you for any pay you received from them or for the health insurance premiums they paid for you while you were on leave.
2. Determine the best time to quit.
If you’re quitting before you go on leave or after you’ve returned from parental leave, settle on a time to tell your boss after you’ve done your research and understand how quitting may affect your parental leave. After you’ve done your research, gauge whether you should give your manager a significant head’s up that you won’t be returning or if you should quit on or near your last day of work. In addition to what you’ve learned in your research, when you have this conversation is going to be based on your relationship with your manager and your company’s culture. If you have a good relationship with your manager and you are confident they will be understanding of your situation, you may choose to quit weeks or even months out from your parental leave. However, if you’re in a sales-centered culture, it might be the expectation that the day you quit will also be your last day of work. Plan accordingly.
If you’re quitting while you’re on parental leave, schedule a call with your manager to update them on your plans. Let them know your plans to return have changed and you won’t be returning to work.
3. Lead the conversation with respect and thoughtfulness.
Even if it was the worst job you’ve ever had and you can’t wait to get out of there, it’s still important to be thoughtful and respectful when telling your boss you are quitting. While we hope they’ll be sad to see you go, in the moment they might be more concerned about how your quitting will affect pressing deadlines and projects in progress. Do some prep work prior to your conversation and let them know you’ve thought about those things and have some solutions for them. Letting them know you’ve thought about their concerns and staying respectful no matter how they respond will be helpful if you even want to return to work there or if you work in a particularly small industry and word tends to get around.
4. Be confident in your decision.
Even in the best of circumstances, quitting can be an uncomfortable experience. And in the worst circumstances, it can bring out anger, frustration, and resentment. To make the conversation as easy as possible it’s important you are confident about your decision.
Doing your research will help you determine if it’s the right time for you to quit, but if you aren’t feeling 100 percent certain you’re ready to leave your job it might not be time. Talk to your partner, a friend, mentor, therapist or trusted colleague about your dilemma so when you do talk to your boss you are certain you are making the right decision.
Feeling confident about your decision will also help if your manager comes back with an offer to take a longer parental leave (paid or not) or the opportunity to work part time. Think about if you would consider any of those options before you talk just in case they come up. And remember, you don’t have to give them your answer on the spot. Thank them for the offer and that you’ll let them know what you decide as soon as possible.
5. Express gratitude
Whether your boss is happy for you, offers you an alternative option, or is upset you’re leaving, it’s important that you thank them for the opportunity to work with them and for their understanding. Keep in mind, your decision to quit could negatively affect them in the short term so it might be challenging for them to see beyond the setback of your resignation. Thanking them can hopefully help them see beyond the setback and maybe even understand why you’ve made this decision. And remember, you’re confident in your decision to resign so your boss's initial reaction, whether positive or negative, doesn't define the validity of your decision.
The day after my daycare epiphany, I resigned from my job and to be honest, it didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped. There were tears shed and frustrations expressed. Looking back, I wish I had had a guide like this to help me through my resignation. I know the conversation could have gone better had I been more assured in my reasons for leaving and emphasized that my choice was driven by a desire to spend more time with my kids rather than solely the daycare expenses.
I hope that by following these five steps your resignation process goes more smoothly, and that you're left feeling empowered and confident in your decision. Remember to exit gracefully, avoiding any unnecessary turmoil, and perhaps when you're ready, you can seamlessly rejoin the workforce right where you left off. Or maybe not! The choice is yours.
The Park helps new and expecting parents navigate parental leave so they can max out their job-protected and paid leave, return to work feeling supported, and thrive as working parents. We answer all your questions and give you all the tips and tricks you need to advocate for yourself on TikTok and Instagram, 1:1 consulting calls, and through our CA Parental Leave Benefits Guide.
